Stuck.

That one night of inability to sleep.

All the thoughts that ran through my mind on that one particular night now runs through over and over again each time I am unable to sleep. My thoughts drift to you, even though I don't want it to. Like how it plays strange noises every once in a while for no particular reason or without any particular occurences.

I need to get a hold of my (crazy) mind.

A constant.

I used to think things come and go in life.

But I'm beginning to think I may have been wrong.

'Cause love (irregardless of its form), I think, can last forever.

Lips of An Angel by Hinder.

Honey, why're you calling me so late?

It's kinda hard to talk right now. Honey why're you crying, is everything okay? Gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud. Well, my girl's in the next room. Sometimes I wish she was you. I guess we never really moved on. It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet.

Coming from the lips lips on an angel, hearing those words, it makes me weak. Don't wanna say goodbye but, girl, you make it hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel. It's funny how you're calling me tonight, and yes I dreamt of you too.

Does he know you're talking to me, will it start a fight?

The wind and it's passing.

I'm fully aware of the knots that the wind can tie with my hair.

But I love the way it beats against my face and rushes past me when I'm in an open vehicle. I love the way it makes Snowy happy, throwing her black wet nose into the air and taking big whiffs of air, internalizing all the smells and scents of the fresh air.

I love that the wind has been to places. It may have travelled across the oceans and continents after brushing past you, or it could have ran through your fingers just this morning. It may even gave brushed through your hair just minutes ago, or held you in its embrace this morning.

The wind brings me closer and nearer to those who seem so far. And yet it will be whatever that will carry us away when our time comes. As it has with Kong Kong, and will with Snowy in what is an unfortunate small number of years to come.

Today, as we alighted from the car and I watched her race down the slope, barking and panting, having plain good fun, I decided to take her for a walk. I took our old route, but this time I watched her fall back down the stairs and I climbed up.

No more can she race up the faster than I. Today, I had to cheer her on on every step. She almost gave up, but I didn't want her to. I saw how age has gotten to her, and I know that one day, she wouldn't be able to climb those stairs as she once could.

And unfortunately but definitely will she lie in the wind's embrace, as it takes her away from mine.

Never Tell.

It's a good book.

It's the part where Catherine is older. She's dealing with the abuse pretty well now. She's in her late grandma's house when her Uncle says to her "I love you too, kiddo, and don't you forget it." Kiddo, kiddo. Only Bryan has called me that, and right now, I wish he just would again.

Pretend nothing ever happened.

Needy.

She's sitting in the park with her lover.

But I want that to be us. I wanna sit in a park in the night, in your arms, laughing and talking about anything and everything. I wanna be the one beaming with love. But I'm not. Instead, you're asleep and I'm sitting here wondering where the hell everyone is. I might just call Juno.

Or not. Maybe I'll just wait for her to call me back. Yeah, I will.

Baby, baby, baby nooo.

I know better.

Awesome day with the squad and it's been a long while that I've been in someone's arms. And only one person, you, can make me so feel so safe, relaxed and yet keep my heart racing at the same time. I'm more than thankful for you, baby. God knows I should be contented.

And let go.

Catch me when I fall?

Not.

You said you'll watch out for me, be there. But everytime I trip, I find myself scraping my knee and picking myself up again. Not to mention without your help (at all would be an understatement). So what happens when I really fall from a great height, when it isn't a minor trip. What makes me think you'll even be there?

If not the one pushing me down.

Lost, and losing.

Fall, and falling.

I guess to fall is to finally land, on whatever surface it may be, and irregardless of the extent of the damage, it is definite you've fallen. The fall is over. But to be falling is to be left hanging. I think losing someone who remains alive haunts more.

I need a closure. Death is an unfortunate, but definite, closure.

You to me are everything.

I would take stars out of the sky for you.

Stop the rain from falling if you asked me to. I'd do anything for you, your wish is my command. I could move a mountain when your hand is in my hand. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. There must be some other way to make you see.

If it takes my heart and soul, you know I'd pay the price. Everything that I possess I'd gladly sacrifice. Oh, you to me are everything, the sweetest song that I could sing. Oh, baby, oh, baby. To you I guess I'm just a clown who picks you up each time you're down.

Oh, baby, oh, baby.

Gone.

Give me strength.

To say all the things I might need to say, to those who won't even turn to look, or even a glance. Not a second, not a moment. I think they, he, she can't really care less. So, give me strength soon, you. Because I need it. I need it now, before my life slips away too. Everything in life is fragile.

I've learnt that all too well.

Fleeting.

It was just yesterday, and a moment later, it's all changed.

He was still there. My arm on his shoulder, his soft breathing against his pillow. He needed sleep, and so we were leaving. His eyes closed, his face peaceful. He didn't open his eyes much, and he almost couldn't recognise me but that didn't matter. He didn't even have the strength to.

Just a moment. And neither did I.

Nothing's gonna change my love for you.

I like it cause his playing makes my heart ache.

And flip.

Food poisoning.

Convulse.

This feeling sucks. To feel your stomach twisting and the gastric hurting. I want to sleep but I can't get any eye shut. I wanna be held in your arms. Want you to hold me to sleep. I feel lousy. And porridge isn't gonna cheer me up.

FML.

Lean on me.

When you're not strong.

And I'll be your friend... Damn. How many so far? Many many. But at least I found some back again. Remember how I told you'll leave behind a big cavity when you're gone? Yeah, dear friend, it still applies. But, I give up.

You don't hurt alone.

心痛啊，心痛！

我真的很对不起。

I've made many mistakes and each time I do, I regret. And with regret comes the unavoidable heartache, the kind that is dull and nagging and only weighs you down more. If I could take it all back, baby, I would. I'm sorry. So do remember that,

当我说我只会为你写华文，那是我真心话。记得吗，宝贝？

Untold.

It's like reading a book, and realising only at the end that the last page's torn out.

Then you're kept in suspense, and it kills you. You wanna know, but you can't. You try to get another copy, from a friend, a relative, but to no avail. You go to the library again and for some reason, that's the only copy. And it leaves you feeling sick, and uneasy. Well, at least pretend it's a good book.

Goddamnit.

Incoherent.

Seriously.

I think you oughtta get a grip, and start acting like a man. You make a deal, you keep to it. You don't leave the other person hanging and waiting, cause that just ain't cool. Just ain't gentlemanly. Especially not if you've kept him/her waiting for long enough now. Not cool, man, not cool.

But what would I expect of you?

Read what you wrote.

Now don't get me wrong.

I may creep you out but I don't really care, done caring about what you might think after i saw those words (which probably weren't even directed at me, were they?). But I wanna let you know that I don't need everything you write about to be about me.

But the fact that I made a disgusting mistake, and committed an awful sin betting on the fact that it was mutual, only to know that everything I thought was isn't, just makes me feel sick. I may have betrayed, but I didn't stab you in the guts.

I'm sorry, babe.

Like a prayer.

When you call my name, it's just like a little prayer. I'm down on knees, wanna take you there.

It's been some time that I've lost sight of my goal, our goal, my eyes straying, my heart flitting. People have been trying to shake me, get me to see what's right before me. And today, when I heard your words, my heart tore and melted, at the same time.

I don't know what's to come, but I hope I'll never hurt you again.