Drinking mugs.

A typical gift.

I just found a porcelaine snowman mug on my bedside drawer in a box. I think I might have received it for Christmas last year from my Angel. Shahril, was it? I didn't use it though. I don't like having too many cups. There's only one mug I use at home, and have been using it for ages actually.

You know, previously, I use to have plastic cups that Daddy bought from Ang Mo Kio. I always broke them by dropping them or like hitting them accidentally. They either chip or just fell apart after a year or so and I'll throw them. But my Tigger mug, I've been using that for three years already and it's pretty intact, if you ask me.

Almost a quarter of my life.

I should stop this difference thing.

No one likes pain, that's for sure...

But if I was some higher being that appeared before you one day and said "I'll allow you to feel only one kind of pain for the rest of your life but you have to make a choice now, between physical pain or emotional pain." Which would you choose? I mean, pain's good right. Helps you stay strong, stay alive. Tells you you're living.

I think I'll reject my offer if I were you.

No second chance.

Sorry to steal your little line, Mister Lim.

No second chance, no second chance. Yeah, that's what he said. No second chance. He said that, too many times to count and, really, I hate to say this but - things do work that way. You get it once but never twice. No matter what it is. If you get it back, it's never exact, never same.

I'm damn puzzled right now. And that the honest to God truth.

One more difference.

Happiness.

I figured, just like fear, happiness can be different too. You have the type that makes you jumpy, crazy and impossibly wanting to scream and shout. The type that plasters a smile on your face, but that normally fades fast. And, finally, the type that lights a warm fire in the pit of your tummy, keeping your insides warm. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right.

Happy Brithday, Darling. When you're twenty-six, that'll be half your lifespan!

On the count of three...

I'll close my eyes. Take me away...





What?

Different.

Many things are different.

People are different. Colours are different. So, since so many things can be different, I guess so can fear. Right? Like if I tell you, this doesn't feel like the kind of fear that make you jump or cry. It's the kind that makes you wanna crawl into a peanut shell and be so tiny and non-existent in hopes that everything just disappears.

You do understand right? I mean, doesn't everyone wanna be a peanut at some point of time?

Just thinking...

She said My father, mother, brother, and you...

I keep getting scratched my Tigger and it's been annoying the guts in me for the past few days. Every corner I turn, I'll feel him, ready to pounce. Sometimes, I'll be fast enough to turn around and scream at him, scare him off. Sometimes, I don't see him coming and he just scratches me deep and it bleeds. Only because he has the ability to, because he can.
Aww! I'm family!
Yeah yeah, shut up. So, has she replaced me or am I just out?