Fourteen?

Something I wrote when I was fourteen, so excuse the strange language:

Mission Accomplished

She never meant anything more than a figure that kept clothes on my back and food on the table. If anything, the only emotions I felt for her were those of hatred and disgust. So very often, those emotions brought out a different side of me, and together with that, disgusting thoughts that dance about, seductively, in my mind. Just as often, I never managed to push them away. I would allow them to go on dancing, although sometimes, I chose to dance along with them.

I often wished that Daddy had taken me away together with him. Instead, I was left with her, her to bring me up, teaching me, at the same time, to survive without love. The only bit of love in her was showered upon her shaggy terrier which was always cuddled in her arms. Her terrier that received praises that I may never live to hear. Still, I felt ever so obliged to address her with that one word that got my insides churning, and made me feel so ill – Mum.

I sat on the sofa, knees to my chin, with a book in hand, feigning fascination for the pages of dull words before me. I sat, observing the way she scurried around the house, piling velvet cushions beside one another, beloved creature in hand. I observed how she gently placed the disgusting squirming animal onto the pile of cushions, whispering words into its misshapen ears, a smile I rarely received, plastered across her face.

She took careful, tiny steps up onto the second landing of our house. Each step with such utmost cautiousness that made her looked on the verge of falling over. Soon, I heard the pipes shriek and water began to run, as I returned to the book that was opened on my lap.

Before I proceeded any further with my reading, I heard an annoying little tatter of paws against the parquet. I looked down to see the shaggy little brown creature, tennis ball in mouth, looking up at me pleadingly. Its plea for attention made me sick; it could barely live without attention, even just for a second.

Ignoring the fur ball that lingered at my heels, I lay back on the sofa, shut my eyes and listened to the sound of fast, speeding traffic on the main road, right outside my main door. Perfect.

I reached down and tugged the tennis ball out of the creature’s mouth, watching it race between my legs, as I opened the main door wide open. I observed the cars pass. I felt the caress of the thoughts in my mind, and I tried to resist them, but they were much too tempting for me. They asked me to dance, I joined in.

Just then, the taps from above squeaked shut and I heard the soft footsteps near the staircase. At this moment, I swung my arm back and threw the tennis ball, grinning as it bounced off the pavement, onto the main road. I was almost laughing now, as the mindless creature hopped out the door and onto the busy road.

Without shutting the door, I got back to the sofa and sat down, waiting for her to tiptoe back down the steps.

When she did, her eyes immediately darted across the room, towards the empty pile of cushions, and then to the open door. I watched her face turn ash pale as she gazed onto the blood-stained road, in which the body of her little terrier lay, barely in one piece.

Her scream echoed throughout the house, and rang in my ears. Something about it felt so sweet, so relaxing, and so very comforting. I lay back on the sofa and closed my eyes, treasuring the moment of it all. Damn, did it felt so right. Perfect – mission accomplished.


Damn, was I weird.