A little needy.

God, just gimme that little bit of attention I so badly crave.

Two years, one month, two weeks and two days ago, I was probably lying on this exact same bed (and probably the same sheets) smiling to myself, hugging myself really tight and thanking the heavens that I've got you. Today, I lie here blogging and wishing everything was still pretty and cool. But it isn't.

Maybe my Scott will give me what I need. If only I could fall asleep.

I know it's you.

It felt real.

When your blue eyes looked blindly in my direction and my heart raced, I knew it was you. Your blonde hair fell across your forehead and glistened in the sunlight. Your embrace was strong and secure, never have I seen arms as big as your's and shoulder's as wide. I know it's you, I just do.

If only it could be.

I know you'll say it's an excuse.

But self-preservation really was the root of it all.

I hated knowing that if I were nice to people around me, they'd take advantage of me and have my heart open up to them almost instantly and have it torn apart soon after. So I learnt to build up a wall of insults and spite to keep everyone as far away as possible. For once in a long time, I'm gonna attempt bringing it down.

World, don't break me. Again.

Medical condition, yes?

They still burn.

I'm walking and the soles of my feet burn, they itch like crazy till it almost feels like it hurts. Soon, the annoying sensation goes up my calves and spreads to my inner thighs. If I scratch, I'll tear off my skin. So, I bite my lip and bear with the pain and itch and make my way home.

No one's, and I mean no one's, blood circulates this way.

Read my mind.

Oh let the alcohol hold me in its embrace.

Let it take me in it's warm arms and hold me safe, give me that feeling of ecstasy like I've never felt in a long time. Lift me off the ground, as if in Love, if it evens exists. Make me high, make my heart pound, make me strong. And, at the same time, destroy me from within and eat me up. Kill me, suck me of life.

Dear, don't do this.

Lonesome George

Got my birthday wish-list ready.

1. A parrot fish blue Floreana (http://www.lonesomegeorge.net/)
2. A orange-cup coral Tortuga Bay (http://www.lonesomegeorge.net/)
3. An espanola surf white green Hood (http://www.lonesomegeorge.net/)
4. A mangrove green Circa Hoodie (http://www.lonesomegeorge.net/)
5. Baby pink/blue Karakiri
6. Forget Me Knot ring by Kiel Mied (http://www.kielmied.com/)
7. Retainer Jewelry by Kiel Mied (http://www.kielmied.com/)
8. Octopus Me earrings (http://www.etsy.com/)
9. Lion King DVD
10. Snow White DVD
11. Sleeping Beauty DVD
12. Cinderella DVD
13. Beauty and The Beast DVD
14. Pinnochio DVD
15. Blossom Pendant (http://www.rockettoro.com/)
16. Keep Ramos shoes size 6 (http://www.keepcompany.com/ but the colour I want is in Orchard Cineleisure)

I have followers?

Hey girl, did I miss you?

I was there too that day, I think, getting frozen yogurt at Frolick.

What would have happened if I bumped into you, girl? I really would like to know. Would you look at me and smile? Would you tear and threaten to cry, or would you just turn and walk away pretend you never knew me, pretend I never existed? Damn you, Carmina, for still meaning something to me.

God knows if you'll ever forgive me.

Whatever happened to UK?

I saw her walk in and my heart felt like it was pierced through, all over again.

She had the same eyes, the same smile, the same everything as the girl who my life revolved around when I was younger. The girl I spent my days with on the phone, if not over at her place. We had plans, great plans - migrating to UK together, being one of them.

Couldn't look, couldn't cry.