Burning excitement.

I'm going crazy; this excitement is giving me an adrenalin rush.

I have it all planned out, everything has played over in my head at least ten times and it seems flawless and, well, quite perfect I'd say. I'm praying everything will happen according to my plan. Oh God, don't spoil it for me.

Ahhhh!

Always a step behind.

Always not up to par, for some damn reason.

First it was Lee Jin Jun, the asshole most people know him to be. Then one by one people just kept going. Bam! One day out of the blue Bryan decides to take leave too, keeping me waiting aimlessly for a lame explanation for an infinite amount of time.

Don't forget the Carmina and all the joys she has left me to reminiscise on as she strots off, nose in the air, too proud to ask anything more. But now, again, with the people who have yet to disappear, I'll always be second best.

And I can't say I haven't gotten used to it, really.

Needing a great big hug.

Not the I just broke up with my boyfriend, I need a hug kind.

I need the big warm hug. The one that I can only see myself getting from one person, and only one. Not because he's huge and soft, but because he's the only one who gives me that feeling that I so dearly crave for right now. I want a hug, and I want it bad.

:(

God, help me.

My neck hurts, is it from the iron clutches?

I feel so sick that I think if I convulsed, I might throw up an entire sea. I feel so tired that if I fainted I might just crumble into dust. I feel so empty that if I held anyone in my arms I might just suck them into the huge empty vacuum within me.

Why, oh why? What am I doing throwing my life away?

More perfect within.

You're closer to perfect than you'll ever know.

Somewhere out there someone beautiful is lying in bed wishing she was loved by someone perfect. She's everything you would ever dream of. But she's alone tonight and that's only because I'm hogging the man of her dreams.

The man I so clearly do not deserve.

Tongue tied.

Feels like forever since everything was pretty.

And truth to be told, I'm craving to be held by you because the last time seemed too long ago. Even though it was only a few days back, it was kinda spoilt by a lot of other events if you do remember. I just wanna feel that warmth.

But I won't beg, although I wanna feel loved by you. Your loss, eventually.

Samuel Roukin.

Not perfect, really.





But for some reason he makes my heart race.